"Break It Down Now!"

Friday, February 6, 2009

I'm such a fucker...

Yeah, I know. Low self-esteem, yeah. I figured as much too, but hey, considering the situation, I truly agree with myself.

For the sake of the people involved, Imma be real discreet.

I feel real guilty, dammit.

It's my fault cause I went on with it despite knowing the consequences, which involved hurting a few people, including her. And I still went through with it.

It's my fault cause I was the one who said yes when she asked the question, despite him being right there, although I didn't notice him before I answered, but yeah.

It's my fault cause I promised her that I would try not to cause any problem between her and him, but it happened anyway, and yes, it's because of me.

And what made it worse was that she almost cried. And it's ultimately my fault. I started this whole situation, after all. And I want to fix it. Thought of a couple of ways... Annoying ways.

First one I thought of was simply disappearing, like leave her and his life alone, don't contact either one of them, stay on my own, graduate and be gone for good. But, somehow, I don't want to leave her. And other people already say that this would end up hurting her more...

Second one was tahan the pain, step back a bit and let them fix their relationship, and stay just as her friend. Painful, yeah, but I can try my best, right? Also... I don't want to do this.

Third is like, hold on. And of course, I want to do this, but a part of me is saying otherwise. I don't want to hurt him also, although I don't even know him. I've been through the same kind of situation he is in before, and I don't want him go through the same thing, but yeah.

Fourth is... The asshole part. The part where I make myself a real asshole, and get her to start hating and avoiding me. She gets back with him. She forgets about me. I tahan. Everyone's fine.

The nice me don't wanna do anything and not hurt him, but the selfish me wants her...

Gah...

I'm sick of making sacrifices, but if I have to... I will.

-RGD L

dancethenightaway
9:28 PM

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